we told the jellies to leave diana nyad alone. we did. we said hey, jellies, and yes, we mean you, physalia physalis, you especially, you need to leave that diana nyad alone! but they didn’t listen. no, they did not. we sent some shark emissaries out there to witness this, and of course this exacerbated things because the humans were all like OH NO SHARKS! when the sharks were all like wha? hey, don’t look at us, we’re here because she’s being harassed by jellies, dudes, we’re trying to get them to leave the woman alone!
her last name is nyad, for cod’s sake! we have no problem with her swimming in our ocean!
but of course, the jellies didn’t listen. the jellies pointed out that they didn’t get the memo, and it isn’t so much that they didn’t listen as, well, they don’t have ears. but we think that is an excuse, and we aren’t buying it. during most of shark week they were all grooving around here to the sweet stylings of ottilio and his ochestra of doom. the jellies protested that they could feel the beat in the water, but sorry, you guys are in the dogfish house for quite awhile for this one.
we need all the friends we can get, and what do you do? go around recklessly stinging diana nyad, you bastards.
oh, and don’t go trying to say you were there to cheer her on and maybe cop a feel, that’s just plain rude. you’re jellies, not daves. we all know what you did. you know what you did too. so quit with the innocent… faces, or whatever you have going on there that expresses innocence. you guys just suck, you know that?