so we learned from fakelisajune and our roadie, Bob, that you human persons actually don’t keep going forward, you stop and go back to the begining and start all over again! we were looking forward to seeing what comes after your month “december”, and when our roadie, Bob, said “january, little fishie dudes”, we were stunned and disappointed!
why no wonder you are all so confused and disoriented all the time! you keep doing one step forward twelve steps back!
then you have this strange numbering system, only it isn’t the same for all of you! some countries have wholly different years going on! some countries have already started a new year, and others won’t start for almost another month! and one country decided to do away with an ENTIRE DAY! yes, we are looking at you, samoa! what the hell, samoa? what the hell?
now we are on an “american” human person calendar here, so tomorrow begins a year numbered 2012. some ancient american human persons thought the world might end in that year, though some modern american human persons think you can do whatever you want and go on forever and ever. we are here to tell you, both of you are wrong. the mayan calendar might end in 2012, but the world will continue. and to you modern human persons, the world will continue yes, but without you and your offspring. it will sadly be a better place, in fact, if you don’t straighten out and swim straight, as our grandparent fish used to say.
in this new year, 2012, there will be an election about whether things will either go backwards, to 1850 if republican human persons have their way, or will stay stagnated in 2008, if democrat human persons have their way, but we have to point out— you can pretend to rewind and start over in january all you want. things ALWAYS move forward. with or without you. that is how it goes.
so happy human new year to you all! you now have a chance, if you are going to pretend to start over, to really start over! please do! don’t just pretend! everything always moves forward, but along with that knowledge you should also remember, yes. you can actually run out of time, and rewinding to january also doesn’t change that!
be better than yourselves, human persons! honor who you are today, and then be better tomorrow! you spend so much time dwelling on how bad you are by dwelling on how bad other people are, you don’t even notice how good you could be!
and again we say— samoa, seriously. what the hell?
The Swimmies of Doom!
and now we party! yay!